I'm only as reliable as the defendant's defense is defendable.

Old habits break slowly.

2006-03-07T01:02:56Z

So the past few days have made me realize that I do not have the emotional capacity for anything more than one-night stands.

Scratch that.

2006-03-05T15:38:48Z

This summer is going to be amazing.

I fell for sure last night.

2006-02-26T22:00:33Z

FUCK. I hate falling. Especially AGAIN.

But God, does it feel amazing sometimes.

I haven't felt this good in well, more than a year. Way more than a year.
I can see it spiraling downward as fast as possible though.

a_summer_memory @ 2006-01-16T17:22:00

2006-01-16T22:25:45Z

Pretty much a fun weekend.
Friday night Ash picked me up. went to wendy's and starbucks.
Then we picked Chris up. Donna gave us a lot of popcorn.
Then chris and ash slept over. Great time. too many Chuck Norris jokes.

On saturday I did absolutely nothing the entire day.

Sunday I had to go to Mr. G's wake. First wake ever. Scary to see the body, but comforting at the same time. weird. Saw a bunch of the dancers and actors, then left.

Then after that I went to crotch's house. I'm going to make love to her hair, seriously. So her boyfriend thing Oli was there, along with Michelle and Danielle. Danielle's bf came later. There was a lot of making out. Danielle and I touched crotchie's vag vag.
Then we decided that we all would start a crew, called the breakfast club, so we did.

The end.

SKANK/SCROTUM.

2006-01-09T22:09:05Z

Ashleigh told me to update my livejournal.

So I am.

...

2005-12-15T03:31:21Z

Items I need to write about:

Being Happy
10/13/05 and the short story I wrote about it
the week of 11/22-11/27
getting Taste of Chaos tickets

...that was a note to myself.

Our favorite song has been repeating all night.

2005-11-21T02:04:04Z

OKAY, so seriously....could my life get ANY better right now? Wanna know why? Just look at my schedule starting tuesday.

Tuesday- ALLIE AND I WILL BE ON DAILY DOWNLOAD WITH MY FUCKING CHEMICAL.ROMANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday- NINTENDO FUSION TOUR WITH ASH, BARI, AND ALLIE!

Thursday- Thanksgiving with my cousins whom I love!!!!!!!!

Friday- ALLIE'S SWEET 16!!!!!!!!

Saturday- DANIELLE'S SWEET 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday- MERI AND LEEANN DAY PROBABLY?!!!!!

Yes, I do love life. Especially life that exists on Tuesday, November 22nd.

I gained 2 pounds this week.

2005-10-05T06:47:37Z

I would really just do anything to be fucking skinny.

Here it goes, and this won't take long.

2005-09-28T03:21:49Z

Life has been pretty fantastic lately.
I spend most of my time with my amazing boyfriend, Kerry. He is my EVERYTHING.
School is stressful. I hate 12 people in it.
15 days till life.
Jamisonparker&Jared Leto were on daily download today.
Not that I watch it, my brother was.
I felt special bcause I met both of them.
But then I said bye to Jamisonparker and said it was nice while it lasted.
too many concerts and sweet 16's to keep track of.
argggg.
That's all.

a_summer_memory @ 2005-08-31T22:31:00

2005-09-01T02:31:31Z

Dear Distance,

I'm sorry i've been so close to you lately.

:-}.

2005-08-20T04:37:29Z

Tricia and I are friends again.

bite it.

a_summer_memory @ 2005-08-15T23:32:00

2005-08-16T03:34:28Z

Just for you to all know,

I really hate everyone now.

Like, everyone in my life.

I want to punch in the face.

Except for Tricia Bucofsky. And to be honest, I really don't know why.

I haven't hated her in two whole days.

P.S.- warped tour was fun and none of you will ever hear the end of about how I met Frankie Iero.

insert witty title here.

2005-08-04T04:45:07Z

okay, so i really hate senses fail. but for some reason i REALLY like this song. i can relate to it. don't discriminate.

another song i recently got into was February 15th by senor oberst. i had it on cd for a while, but i never really listened to it. and now im obsessed.

sometimes i really wonder where i'd be without mariya. i love her, she is like definetely one of the greater friends ive had.

upcoming shows...so I don't forget.

2005-08-02T17:46:56Z

*= ones I have tickets to already.

8/6- Coheed and Cambria
8/6- Ryan's show
8/9- Kings of Leon
8/10- No Hollywood Ending
8/14- warped tour*
8/17- Finch
8/18- The Spill Canvas
8/19- hellfest day one
8/26- Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
8/30- The Used/Glassjaw/Alexisonfire*
9/9- catch22
9/12- Jamisonparker
9/17- hellogoodbye
9/27- The Blood Brothers/Coheed and Cambria/Mewithoutyou*
9/29- pennywise
10/8- streetlight manifesto
10/29- the fucking misfits

hmmmm....I know i'm missing a few. I'm gonna try to remember.

a_summer_memory @ 2005-07-17T20:32:00

2005-07-18T00:34:16Z

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHY DOES THIS STILL HURT?!?!?!?!

GAHHHH!!!

Gina.(pronounced as in VAgina.)

2005-07-17T18:48:26Z

UPDATE!

Megan just shoved a tampon up her vag(ina).

We went up the boat and shoved giant penises up our anal glands.

Then, Danielle and Megan had wild sex.

Now, Megan will suck my penis.

That was Megan's day from her point of view.

The end.

This weekend consisted of getting piss drunk, driving on boats while singing the spice girls, and playing harmonicas for money at seaside.

Yahummm.

a_summer_memory @ 2005-07-13T16:02:00

2005-07-13T20:02:50Z

LITTLE SCENE GIRLS BOTHER ME.

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGZZZZZZ FFTL!!!!!?!?!?!1111ONE!!!

a_summer_memory @ 2005-07-12T23:05:00

2005-07-13T03:12:27Z

So today I was in the car with my mother.She started telling me about how there was this huge article in the New York Times about how American choreagraphy is terrible and it's the worst out there, and how everything now looks exactly the same (modern ballet, also known as contemporary), and how the last really good choreagrapher was Twyla Tharp.
And then I heard a calling.

This will be changed. There is going to be an explosion of choreagraphy in a few years in which none of you have ever seen before in your life.

You know who this is up to?
You know who is going to change this?
You know who is going to revolutionize the day dances are performed across America?

Me.

That's right.

This band who i discovered about a month ago, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, very very good band.
They're so upbeat and happy, they just make me want to dance, and they make me forget about

EVERYTHING

that has happened to me over the past month.

P.S.- Phil is a fucking douche bag. I love how i was there for him whenver he needed me, including being drunk and crying and vomiting all over his floor. But he can't spare me 10 minutes to listen to me be upset about how my parents treat me because it tortures his poor soul. Aww poor baby.

SUCK IT.

Whatever. All I have is anger now.

stolen.

2005-07-07T21:42:45Z

H A V E Y O U E V E R

Given anyone a bath?: yes
Smoked?: yes
Bungee jumped?: nope, i want to.
Made yourself throw up?: yes
Skinny dipped?: yes
Ever been in love?: yes.
Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: yes.
Cried when someone died?: yes.

Been rejected?: yes
Rejected someone?: yes
Done something you regret?: i suppose.

L A S T P E R S O N

You touched: i don't remember.
Hugged: bari
You IMed: ryan
IMed you: mariya
Called you: crotch
You called: probably phil
Bought you flowers: my parents.

W H O D O Y O U W A N N A

Kill: Heche.
Slap: Tricia.

W H I C H I S B E T T E R

Coke or Pepsi: pepsi
Flowers or candy: flowers

Tall or short: short.

R A N D O M

In the morning I am: tired and unaware of my surroundings.
All I need is: music.
Love is: blind and unpredictable.
I dream about: my past.
What do you notice first: hair and smile, and maybe eyes.
Last person you danced with: tony. sam
Makes you smile: many people.
Who has a crush on you: i can't think of anyone that does.

D O Y O U E V E R

Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: yes
Wish you were younger: yes

N U M B E R

Of times I have had my heart broken: 5
Of hearts I have broken: 1
Of guys I've kissed: 6 or 7
Of girls I've kissed: 1
Of continents I have lived in: one
Of tight friends: about 15
Of CD's I own: 237
Of scars on body: 10-ish

a_summer_memory @ 2005-07-07T00:13:00

2005-07-07T04:14:39Z

Today...
I was walking in the mall.
And i saw ANDY.
weird huh?
Yeah...memories came flowing back, and so did old desires, and old goals.
I wish these things could just go away.

You can't do this alone.

2005-07-02T06:06:33Z

Dear Livejournal,

Today,

my world came crashing down.

Sincerely,
Meri.

P.S.-
Dear Everybody,
or whoever's listening,
I think i'm gonna do me in this time.
This is all overrated,
waiting on my room again,
This is the end of my so-called life.

a_summer_memory @ 2005-06-22T21:13:00

2005-06-23T01:26:22Z

Hi guys!I have a newsflash.

THE NOTEBOOK, THE MOVIE BASED UPON THE NOVEL BY NICHOLAS SPARKS, IS ONE OF THE WORST FILMS EVER FUCKING MADE.

Get used to it.

If you were fucking inspired by that movie, or even shed a tear, seriously get a fucking life.

Not only did it have poor acting, but all of the moments that should have been prolonged and important were cut into about 5 minute segments. Example- World War 2.

In fact, the only really good thing about that movie is the scenery they chose depicting the 1940's during the second world war.

Other than that, it's safe to say it's the most overrated movie of all time.

So yesterday I watched The Beach with Leonardo Dicaprio and got scared shitless. Funny how I can be scared in movies about paradise yet laugh in all of Stephen King's movies.

You know what's also overrated? Senses fail.

For seriously. I mean they're good and all, but not the saving-your-life type of band everyone makes them out to be.

So other than Meri's complaining on being overrated, what else is new?

Hey, this song is how I feel right now.

I know we just got here
but i think it's time to go
I didn't want to believe it but now i know
you know who just walked in
and he didn't come alone
I can't stand to see this get me home

Take me away
I'm gonna hurt somebody
take me away right now
how could he say
he wanted more you better
take me away right now

I thought he was perfect
he thought I was perfect too
perfect until he found someone new
now I'm stuck here watching him
I can't take this abuse
what can this girl do
that I can't do?

My mom accuses me of drinking all the alcohol. Sorry, mom. No.

P.S.- for anyone who doesn't know. I have a new livejournal. However, I will still use this one.But here's the info:

__bloodandradio - for recaps of my summer days.

a_summer_memory - this one, for rants.

All that's left is all I pretend to be.

2005-06-21T06:04:27Z

Why can I NEVER be happy for a prolonged amount of time?

Sometimes I wonder if I will EVER get over this.

This is a gay kelly clarkson song, but describes how I feel.

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore..

I hate the fact that all I do is look on myspace for a new guy. YEAH RIGHT MERI, LIKE YOU'RE REALLY GONNA FIND A GUY IN CYBERSPACE. But it seems like the only way i'm going to get anywhere. But I fucking think too deeply into it and get hurt.</p>

But I mean, it's a last resort you know, I'M SO FUCKING LONELY. Like it's ridiculous. Seeing Phil and Tricia together kills me and just makes me want to throw up.

I mean, Max, he's a nice boy, but...he's just not my type.

Maybe it's his looks? I really don't know.

I always have mixed feelings about him.

But right now they're strong because I'm just so fucking desperate for a boy to call me beautiful, because I really need to hear that lie.

But seriously, I have REALLY got to stop doing this thing where I look on myspace for boyfriend. I will either A. get raped, B. not succeed, or C. get hurt.

It just seems like there's nowhere else to really look.

Jinx me something crazy.

2005-05-31T00:33:43Z

So let me just explain to you what my last phone conversation with Phil consisted of.

Me: Hey!
Phil: Hi..
Me:Did you go on Kinda ka yet?
P: yeah
Me: how was it?
P: cool.
M: cool
::silence::
M: did i tell you i talked to tricia a few days ago?
P: no.
M: well i did.
P: oh, okay.
M: i lost 8 pounds.
P: cool, hold on a minute?
M: okay.
::gone for 7 minutes::

I hang up. Then I call back.

M:Sorry, i think we got disconnected.
P: alright, can you still hold on though?
M: ugh.
P: i really shouldn't be on the phone anyway. I have to read 1984...and yeahh...
M: alright, bye
P: wait...did you have anything you wanted to talk to me about?
M: i don't know, why?
P: because you messaged me on myspace so i thought maybe you had something to tell me
M: I don't really have anything to tell you anymore.
P: yeah i know. You always call me and it's just like "Gerard is hot. dance. i hate tricia. penis."
M:Yeah. Well, bye.
P: Bye.

Whatever happened to our 6-hour phone conversations EVERY night?
We've grown apart.

Sometimes i feel like i want to be her friend again.

so i'll add her again on myspace or something.
Then i'll call her.
Laugh until I cry.
Remember what she did, and hang up.
An hour later, i will want to rip her eye balls out.
Then I cry.

I don't know what i'm doing to myself.

And it's also like i feel like i need someone to save me.
And that's what i'm waiting for.
But maybe i need to save myself first?
But how can i do that?
I don't know.

I've been thinking so much lately.
More than usual.'
I really don't know why.
I miss being in love. Even if i wasn't loved back.

i'm stuck with a smile that doesn't fit me anymore.

2005-05-18T23:38:14Z

Jess is really pissing me off. We used to be best friends. She calls me and says how i'm ALWAYS with my camp friends, and i never hang out with her anymore and she always feels so left out.
Well jess,
you're ALWAYS with dave.
You don't think i feel out when you guys make out and i just sit there?
and you wonder why i'm always wtih my camp friends.
We're even.

I am under so much stress for Helena. It looked like crap today. No one gives a shit about it, and i worked SO hard on this dance. i'm seriously thinking of just pulling it.